Thursday, January 7, 2016

some thoughts

new year, new goals, new mindset. i love a fresh start each year. taking a good look at everything and making adjustments or just planning some fun adventures for the upcoming year. clean house with more decluttering on the horizon. 

i'm excited about this year and what it holds for our family. i have some personal goals i want to work on. mostly internal stuff i'm figuring out at 36. but for our family i think a simple more, less list is best.

more fun, less stress
more adventures, less plans
more fun, less to-do's
more in the moment, less in the past
more veggies, less pizza (but not a lot less)
more joy, less tantrums
more experiences, less purchases
more decluttering, less stuff

this blog is part of that cleaning out. i began it during the beginning of our adoption process for our first son and it has been a way to capture that process of becoming a family, connecting with others going through adoption, keeping friends updated on our life, and finally as we grew again by adding a little brother. 

for now i'm not sure where it fits in. my boys are getting older and i'm feeling the need to document our lives more privately. whether that's digital albums or a blog with a password just for our family, i'm not sure. i may keep posting random photos here that make me happy for awhile or we may adopt again and document that process. or i'll change my mind completely and come back to this spot next week or next month. who knows.

i'm just excited and ready for a new phase in life. this last year has been hard. our second adoption challenged us in so many ways. our first adoption was love at first sight and but i can tell you that was not how it went the second time. bonding has been hard for him and us. we love him so very much took time. he had to learn to trust us and the crappy hand he was dealt in life. we had to learn new ways to parent. to figure out what he needed. we haven't always made the right choices. we are still learning. but we are getting there. 

it's been an interesting learning experience. i'm thankful for the adoptive community that i've become a part of. because some days this gig is lonely. like when your 18 month old is struggling because he's spent half his life in a baby home, the other half with a loving foster family and then all of a sudden he's taken from all he knows and handed to you. and he doesn't process it well. and then well meaning people tell you it's "typical toddler behavior". or you've spent the last year of your life bouncing from such lovely emotions as what the hell have we done and did we make a mistake to i love him and we are so lucky and those emotions change daily. when you cry every night because you can't make it work. when you fantasize about getting in your car and driving away, alone. when you give up on wondering about love and just focus on like. when you start worrying about attachment disorders and research family therapists in your area. or when you have little successes followed by huge setbacks followed by little successes. until finally, slowly, you realize you've become a family. and you're proud, and tired, and amazed. and then someone tells you that you deserve him because you're first was so easy. and then you feel the need to punch something. like i said, it's been an experience. 

these boys are our everything. they make me want to be a better person. they are incredible and deserve the moon. we've learned from our struggles not only how to help elliot adjust but how to be better parents to elliot. because it's really not him, it's us. we have to be what he needs. it's our job. he's stubborn, cranky at times, but also full of life, brave, in complete adoration of his brother, and the best snuggler. mason has seen our family under huge amounts of stress (and increasing noise levels) but he's also grown into an amazingly kind and patient big brother. he understands adoption far better after seeing it first hand. and although i worry about all the changes he's had to endure over the last year he still asks all the time for a sister too. a little girl who's asian and tiny with tiny little socks, to be exact. and would like to fill all of our minivan's seats with siblings. so maybe we're doing better than i thought.

adoption is not easy, like parenthood itself, it's the hardest thing and the best thing i have ever experienced.

but back to 2016, we're so excited about it. we plan on doing some traveling including some disney fun. mason is soaring through kindergarten and elliot has done far better than anticipated in preschool and has had a language explosion of late. life here is full, for now. (do you hear that, mr. mason... full). and how i will continue to document that is up in the air. i couldn't be happier for this little blog and all the connections it opened up for us. it's been quite a ride. 

1 comment:

  1. I read this on my phone when you first posted it... and I was so moved by it that I had to put it aside for a bit. Your thoughts and your words are so dead on, and so perfect here. Even the more, less list is something that so many of us can relate to. (Me!) But what really moved me was how beautifully you summed up the last year. So many of us can relate, but can't articulate it that well!

    Oh, and if you stop blogging, I request photos and updates via text, ok?! :)